Leroy's Last Day

We had just been saying how relieved we were that Leroy had started to recover from his cold - he was doing much better than the previous week or two. Thursday afternoon we had been for a walk in the forest with Dylan, and we went to bed Thursday night having had some lovely cuddles with Leroy.

When Peter woke up to check on Leroy around 2am, he said those words we hoped we would never say "He's not breathing". I literally jumped out of bed, and Peter automatically went into resuscitation mode whilst I called the ambulance.

The paramedics were amazing, and after a while Leroy started breathing for himself, even though by then they had intubated him (breathing for him through a tube into his lungs). By then we had some talks with the paramedics and they in turn were talking to the staff at the Royal Children's Hospital. It wasn't looking good. Leroy had been without oxygen for some time, and although his heart was beating strong, the likely additional damage to his brain (and therefore body) was extensive.  It was hard to imagine Leroy recovering from his kind of injury.

Thankfully Peter and I had discussed this scenario a few times over the months, and we were clear on what our path was with Leroy. When Leroy was a bit over a week old, the paediatricians asked us if we wanted to have Leroy resuscitated if he stopped breathing or had some other medical complications. Our answer was "Absolutely, there is no question".  We felt that it was far too early to know what was possible for Leroy, and we wanted to give him every opportunity to thrive, develop and have a good quality of life at home with us.

Some lovely time watching Dylan and Leroy together

However, we said to one another that if at some time down the track, Leroy showed us that he was ready to leave this life, that we would honour his wishes and let Leroy go. We believe Leroy stopped breathing that morning because he was ready to go.

It was a long trip in the ambulance holding Leroy to my chest. It took a few hours at the hospital before we could get all the tubes and bits of stuff out of Leroy’s mouth and body.  They had a bereavement room set up for us and we laid down in our bed with Leroy and held him. He looked so beautiful and was pain free, breathing on his own steam. We were advised that Leroy might last an hour or so off the ventilator.  Leroy held on, and waited for his brother Dylan and my sister and mum to arrive. We had over 3 hours with Leroy, and it was bliss.

We told Leroy how much we loved him, how much he had taught us, and all the things we were grateful for, and all things we loved about him. We sang to him, kissed his beautiful body, and said our goodbyes. It was wonderful to have my mum and sister with us, as well as Dylan (who took it all in his stride) and to receive this last gift from Leroy.  Peter passed Leroy over to me, and I laid him on my chest, face to face. I had my hand on Leroy’s back and felt him take his last two breaths as I whispered “I love you, I love you, I love you”.  And then he was gone.

Our angel is at peace and he will never be forgotten.  Fly my darling fly.